Oh, the possibilities

8 Feb

Sometimes, when it’s late and I want to write but I don’t want to commit to a certain topic, I think sometimes it’s better (read: easier) to just write a list of all the things I could write about. If anyone actually read this, we could vote about your favorite one and then the prize would be I would write about it. Or take you on the boat. Your pick, but it has to be this weekend.

So in my world:

1. Today’s newsroom discussion centered on how best to put “rape by instrumentation” into laymen’s terms, IE, how we could best explain this non-medieval torture practice to our readers. Suggestions included digital molestation and finger rape. “Fondling” was tossed out because it seemed to be more indicative of “second base.” And then somehow our e-edition headline teased to a basketball player being charged with “rape by implementation.” “OK, so to begin the rape, we’ll start by implementing the following: an unwilling partner … ”

2. I am trying like hell to get addicted to the cough syrup prescribed to me by my (hot) doctor. (That fact that he is hot has nothing to do with this anecdote, but I’m so much quicker to go to the doctor now when I feel bad. I just thought you should know that. He’s not nearly as hot as Ol’Boy, but then again, who is?) This elixir contains codeine with a modifier, something like hyper-codeine or hydro-codeine or stellar-codeine. It makes me sleep soooo good. I hate for it to end. Am I developing a habit? I hope so. I was getting kind of boring, and what’s more exciting than a slow descent into narcotic addiction?

3. I have no money (literally) and don’t get paid for another week, and while my bills are paid, we are running out of food, and we’ve never run out of food before. This has led me to certain curious behaviors, including, but not limited to, eating an ENTIRE bag of Cheetos I found in the newsroom today at 10:30 a.m. because I wasn’t positive where my next meal would come from. It’s exciting, really, to see our family in action, trying to hide from Vivian the fact that we are broke as trail mules and make her think we have plenty of food — PLENTY! — when in reality our dinner plans look something like this: Tuesday, soup and crackers; Wednesday, boxed Mac and Cheese; Thursday, bean burritos; Friday, boxed Mac and Cheese; Saturday, boxed Mac and Cheese; Sunday, leftover Mac and Cheese. You would think I would be devastated about this, but really it’s kind of exciting. I’ve had such a privileged life to this point that I’m glad I have to go through this to appreciate what I have. Like Cheetos.

Ooh, the maxi-codeine is kicking in — my limbs are going comfortably numb.

Now do a YouTube search for “thunder snow.”

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One Response to “Oh, the possibilities”

  1. garishchicken February 8, 2011 at 1:09 pm #

    All diet bets are off during these trying snow times. It’s utter crap. Tonight, I have to stay at a hotel in Downtown T-Town because of this maladjusted snow. I like “Rape By Implementation” part best, but can I take a raincheck on the boat ride ’til the water’s unfrozen? Kisses!

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